Want Kids Who Pitch in at Home? 3 Tricks that Actually Work | High Desert Family Photographer
Clean up, on aisle 7. Well, maybe only in the living room.
I’m going to drop a truth bomb. As a mom of four (two adult children and two teenagers), it is ridiculously hard to get them to help out! We recently made a chore chart, and is it working? No, of course not. So, as much as I’d like to say it gets easier as they get older… it doesn’t. If anything, they’re worse!
But, with the right tricks, you can have the little ones helping without any fuss.
Here’s a little secret: kids can learn to love helping!
My kids never really had a chore list. My oldest son has trash duty, but he thinks it means emptying the kitchen trash only.
There also used to be an unwritten household law where they asked me what needed to get done before video games or going to a friend’s house. That worked until I got lazy.
Not sure where I went wrong, but this blog post is a “do as I say, not as I do.” Ha!
Children feel proud of themselves when they pitch in. Little ones love to help. And you can show them how in a way that makes sense to them.
Today I’m sharing 3 simple ways to raise kids who WANT to help at home!
And don’t worry, these tips aren’t about sticker charts or dreadful routines. They’re about teaching kids how to care for the home in small, meaningful ways.
Teach Them, Slowly and with Intention
Raising kids who help at home isn’t something that is learned in one day.
Think of it like teaching someone how to sew… You wouldn’t expect a person to sew a dress the first time they use a sewing machine. There are lots of steps before they get to that point. You’d walk them through a few simple projects first.
Helping at home works the same way!
Start with something small.
Taking out the bathroom trash
Wiping down the kitchen table
Hand them the socks while you fold the rest of the laundry
Let them spray the bathroom mirror while you wipe it down
Keep your expectations low at the beginning and focus on consistency. If you go slow and let them build their skills over time, they’ll gain more confidence and take pride in what they’re doing.
You can also use storytelling to make it a little fun.
Things like, “Grandma taught me to fold the fitted sheet this way. Want me to show you how?” or “We always play music while we clean. You can pick the first song,” make chores feel special.
Letting kids help will, honestly, make things take longer and create more mess. Yes, this is true. But that’s part of the process.
Each time will help them become confident and more familiar with the chore. They’ll gain a new outlook on what it takes to care for a home. Over time, they’ll start to do it without asking because it’ll feel natural to them.
And, that my friend, is gold!
Helping is Belonging, Not a Burden
Kids naturally want to be part of the group. They want to matter and be seen.
When we treat household tasks like a team effort instead of punishment, we help them feel like they belong.
One way to do this is by changing the wording. Instead of calling it “chores,” try “clean-up time.” Small words change the tone and energy.
I’ve learned that my attitude sets the tone. If I complain through every task, the kids will pick up on that and see helping as something to avoid.
My husband is like this. His dad would always disappear while his mom was cleaning. And, when it’s time to clean up, he gets very stressed out.
Me, I’m the opposite.
If we are having company come over, I’ll simply tell my kids to each take 20 minutes to do X, Y, and Z.
If you bring lightness to the new routine, they learn that caring for your home is part of regular life.
This doesn’t mean you have to pretend cleaning is fun! It means you’re creating purpose. It’s something that needs to be done, like brushing your teeth.
You can start with things like, “I’m putting these shoes away so no one trips over them,” or “I’m wiping the counters because I like a clean kitchen before I cook.”
This helps children understand the “why” behind the chore AND (bonus), helps them learn the reason behind the action.
Kids who feel included are more likely to offer help. They feel proud to be part of something and lean into a leadership role naturally. It becomes part of who they are, not just something they are told to do.
Kids jumping for joy!
I grew up with my mom playing music while we cleaned. We would dance, dust, and listen to Bob Marley. To this day, I still listen to music while I clean. I used to send my kids outside, though, because there were too many of them. And that’s probably where I went wrong.
However, when we get home from school, I’ll ask everyone to do a few tasks, and they do them without whining. I’ll tell one to clean the bathroom, one to vacuum, one to mop, etc. But I do wish I had included them more in everyday tasks. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. And, here lies the prompt for this blog idea!
Give Them Their Own Area or Special Thing
One of the best ways to build a habit of helping is to assign a small, age-appropriate area to each child and allow them to have complete control. A small entryway like the one in the photo above can work great for a little one.
If you’re a little bit of a control freak, it’s going to be a process, and that’s ok! Just breathe.
The special area/ thing could be feeding the cat his dinner, making sure shoes are in the basket by the front door, or unloading the clean silverware from the dishwasher.
Let them choose if possible. When kids feel responsible for something specific, they are more likely to stay engaged. It becomes a proud moment for them.
Create a habit around this task. Maybe every Thursday afternoon is clean-up time with music. After breakfast could mark the time they check their space. Making the task part of a routine helps it stick.
Instead of constantly switching things around, allow one task to be one child’s thing.
Praise them for their consistency more than the chore itself. Saying things like, “You remembered to water the plant today,” or “That’s so great of you to notice the laundry needed to be folded.” These comments reinforce their identity as someone who notices and contributes. And, that my friend, is huge!
When kids feel responsible and competent in one area, they begin to look for more ways to help. It becomes a part of how they see themselves.
They’re not being managed; they’re being counted on and trusted. They’re an important part of the family.
That twist in mindset can even change the way they show up at home.
Playful portraits
If getting your kids to help feels hard, you’re not alone. But you can choose to start with one small thing, today!
Let them help, even if it’s messy! Even if you have to go redo what they did. You won’t regret it later down the road.
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Thanks for reading “Want Kids Who Pitch in at Home? 3 Tricks that Actually Work | High Desert Photographer” today. I hope it gave you a fresh perspective, and you walk away with some new tricks up your sleeve!
Cheers and happy cleaning,
Annette
